Thursday, April 24, 2014

Figuring it all out

Mr. Tea came home last night, looked at me and asked, "Why are you so quiet?"

I hesitated for a minute. Then I answered, "I'm lonely."

"Why are you lonely?"

"I've lost a lot of friends in the past few months. I don't feel like I have anyone to talk to anymore."

"Who are you talking about? What happened?"

"Well, you know about S. That relationship needed to end. I'm ok with that. But, then I never see R anymore because our schedules. I used to ride with the guys and J. J has moved out of state now. And, I just don't see how that would work with the guys. And, I like them well enough. I really do. But at the same time, J and I would let the guys ride ahead because they were so much stronger. J and I were going to do an Ironman together, which would have been a blast. I was looking forward to that. And of course, I don't need to tell you about what happened with M. I don't fit in with the stay at homes at masters. There are a couple of women that I like there that are my age. They have kids the same ages, but I rarely ever see them there...again because of schedules. Definitely not often enough to get to know people."

My issue isn't that I don't have people to talk to, email, etc. The point is that I don't have anyone to SEE on a regular basis, go to lunch with, even to just talk to for a few minutes during the day a couple of times a week.

I like people, but it's hard for me to meet people. Now, I'm full on into training. That makes meeting new people even harder.

I'm not really sad about all this in general. It's not something that I think about on a regular basis. Every once in awhile it hits me, like when I pack up my bike for a long ride. Or more specifically, I have a race this weekend. I always do this race with at least one person that I know.

All in all, I'm fine. I just have days once in awhile where I feel it more than others.