Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Chicken (Bwok, bwok, bwok)

From the comfort of my home, sitting in front of the fireplace, sipping tea, laptop on my lap, every race looks exciting and easy. I check for registration dates, and I mark them on my calendar.

Looks to be an exciting race year! I think as I click here and there overestimating my fitness level.

Then January arrives and most registrations open.

I stare at my screen giddy with excitement.

I'M going the register for the 50k and the Sunrise Century today!

But first, I need to get a biscotti. I set the lap top down. Reach into the mystery bin and grab out a triple chocolate biscotti. My mouth starts watering before I even have it unwrapped.

I sit back down with the biscotti nestled nicely in my lap. Chocolate crumbs begin to take form on my white technical t-shirt that shouts out "I'm a MARATHONER and have the t-shirt to prove it".

As I pull up the 50k website, I actually take time to read the waiver.

I know harm....dismemberment.....death......falls are likely.....rolling down the mountain.....I swear......No suing the race director....it's really far.

I might be exaggerating, slightly.

The biscotti falls sideways between my fingers leaving chocolate skidmarks down my fingers.

What am I doing? I start licking the chocolate off my fingers.

Maybe I'll wait a few days. Early registration goes until the 15th. Death and dismemberment are pretty big deals.

Let's look at the sunrise century. We can register for that one.

Yes, cycling. Good idea.

I click the registration button and a message pops up. I skim through it.

Very hard....peak to peak....feel like you're gonna die.....what goes down must go up....legs can't move....train hard....train right....fitness like lance.

(maybe that's not exactly what it said.)

Oh dear.

What am I gonna do? I've talked and talked about my BIG HUGE RACES. Races so tough, they make grown men cry IN PUBLIC, IN SHORT LITTLE SHORTS. That's serious. (not to pick on the guys).

Would it be worse to not register and see if anyone even notices a few months away?

Yea, I can see it.

Bill A: How'd the 50k go? Weren't you supposed to do it 5 months ago.

Me: Yea, ummm yea...you know...uh sometimes (think Tea think)....ummm....How was YOUR race? You were going to do the 70.3 right?

I raised two boys. I got the whole "diversion" tactic down.

It won't work. I know it. These people KNOW me.

Let's go to the gym and talk to David since he's the one that got you into this mess.


At the gym, I see him. I go running through the gym, arms flailing, yelling "David, David! WOO HOO!"

D quietly slinks back behind the squat machine.

You can't hide. I see you.

"I have a question." I say...rolling my eyes and chuckling, "Is Greenland reeeallly all that hard."

He just looks at me...nervously....flinches for a second then does this very slight nod, "well, it's the hardest 50k I've done. It's really hard for a 50k".


Shitake mushrooms.


Now here I sit, staring at the "Confirm your registration" button. It's staring at me. I've entered my credit card number.

All I have to do is click the button....