Because Sheryl Crow.....and Sting
I went onto Athlinks the other day to scroll through all my races. My history only goes back to 2003, but it's enough.
Then, I started reading through old blog entries. I remember each and every one. I read race reports, and they make me smile. Sometimes, I think that my posts must sound like broken records. Maybe I say the same things over and over.
To me, I'm so glad I have those old posts.
This.....THIS.....has been such a journey.
Many of you know that I was a runner before triathlon. The whole marathon thing never really appealed to me, but I loved running.
It was love at first race.
Over the past few months, Coach Liz has been pummeling me. Two a days? This isn't football. This is triathlon.
Three a days workouts? Please. Those are my easy days.
Liz has taken me to a whole new level. There are days I do 4 workouts. There are days of 3 workouts. My easiest day this week was 4000m masters swim sandwiched between yesterday's run/bike/strength and tomorrow's run/bike/run/strength.
She's hit me with sprinting hill repeats. She's pushing me with squats, lunges, burpees, jumps, hops, core, more core....no....more.....
After my workout yesterday, I laid on the yoga mat. I started thinking about those earlier blog posts.
I used to need them to keep me motivated. I used to need the "Good Job" or "You're a BEAST!" comments. I needed to go to the gym to be "seen". Like it was some kind of validation. YES, I was there. She saw me! He saw me! I was sweating and working really hard. If I saw someone look at my pace on the treadmill, I'd bump up the speed.
Oh....and I talked about triathlon. I wanted everyone to know what I did for fun.
Somewhere that all changed.
I laid on my yoga mat. I stared at the treadmill. I just ran 7:53 intervals at an 6% incline, and I had more to give. I realized, somewhere along the line....I lost interest in talking about triathlon. I don't tell anyone, unless they ask, even then, I usually short answer them. Besides....no one is really interested unless "you do that BIG one in Kona?????"
I used to compare myself to everyone else. There was a pressure to perform, coming from many different sources, including internally.
Since I started working with Liz, my interest in what everyone else is doing has faded. I get lapped at masters, but one day, I won't. I make myself hold core movements until I want to cry, but no one is there to see it. I run hill repeats over and over. I do bike drills to muscle exhaustion. No one sees the work.
And I blog.
To you, I might sound like a broken record. But when I read those old posts, I see how much I've changed.
I no longer need to hear those "Beast mode" comments, but I know you're there always supporting me.