Thursday, December 18, 2014

Maybe I need to change

This holiday season has been really tough on me. I realized that way I was doing things was no longer working. Granted for 3 weeks, I was sick and getting over being sick. That type of thing drains me emotionally....on top of being really busy at work....and trying not to be frustrated at missing workouts that I really wanted to do.

In order to get done everything I need to get done, I had to change how I do things. I would say that this week, it wasn't perfect but it was more or less a success.

On Tuesday, my day started early working in the warehouse, walking miles upon miles on a concrete floor, packing boxes and boxes and more boxes. I got away for an hour (threshold) run at lunch. I drove to Ft Collins (3 hours round trip), got home at 5pm, just in time to have dinner, so I could leave for masters at 6:15. Finally, my day ended with me getting home from masters at 9:30pm. (1:30 Masters) It's not my preferred way of doing things, but it's what I have to do in order to meet my goals.

Was I tired? You bet. I ate a late snack and went to bed.

Even more than that, I've completely had to change how my day is organized and take advantage of gaps of time when I can knock out a big chunk of a project.

More or less successful.

Although I might sound down, I'm just tired. There's a huge BONUS to being busy. Other than my little quips on FB, I'm not on it very much. I got rid of Twitter over the summer. (Have I already mentioned that a few hundred times?) I like to keep up on my friends, and I check in....even when I might not say much.

The change is good.


When I'm training on my own, I realized that I'd been wanting to fill a hole that was vacated awhile ago.

It's like having a big tree in your yard. Maybe the tree has some sort of disease, and it has to be removed. When it's gone, there's this giant hole. I was trying to find the right tree to be a replacement. This week, it occurred (1 c or 2?) to me that I replaced the tree with not one tree but a bunch of new little plants.

Instead of having a giant tree that takes up the entire yard, I have new plants that I can watch grow. Each one is different.

One of those plants is my new masters swim. I haven't quite found my place yet, but I've met a few people. It's really nice to be around hardcore swimmers, not triathletes, hardcore ultra long distance swimmers. They are amazing people. My last masters group was almost entirely triathletes. It's nice to show up, and not have one person ask me about races. I can just be another swimmer.

The change is good.


No one asks about races. No one cares. Yet, I registered for my entire year over a month ago. I debated if I should post my race schedule. I posted it. I took it down.

I know people who don't post their race schedules. I thought, "Maybe I shouldn't". The reality is that no one really cares what my specific race schedule is.  I don't mean this in a negative way. I read a number of blogs. I couldn't tell you what any of my friends are racing.

No one cares. I'm your average age grouper. There aren't any competitive spies out there wondering what my schedule is. I don't feel any more or less pressure to perform because people know my schedule.

All I personally care about is that my friends ARE racing. They ARE training. I am equally excited for them if they are running a 5k or swimming a 10K.

That's exactly how they feel about me. We are there to support each other through all of the rough days and celebrate the great ones.

Because no one actually cares what my race schedule is....I decided to post it.

I used to feel pressure. I used to regret posting my schedule when everyone could see when I had a bad race or a good race. I don't anymore because good and bad races are going to happen. They are part of the process.

I have goals. Every single race is a step toward reaching that goal. Races shouldn't even be labeled as good or bad. How can a race be bad when we learn so much when things go wrong? Do you really think we learn from good races? Of course not. We only really learn when we're faced with adversity.

I'm going to be racing on the biggest stage in the US: at the AG National Championships.

The most public forum with updates being posted by USAT on Twitter and Facebook and results being posted on the website every time we hit timing mats and throughout the entire race....I can't hide. There's no reason to try.

That is why I decided to post it. I'm not posting it to show you what an awesome schedule I have. I'm posting it, so we can go through the year together. I'm posting it as a reminder to myself of what I want to accomplish. I'm posting it, so you know when to tune in for the insanity that is a Tea Race Report.

But mostly, I'm posting it, so I can check off the boxes....which each box representing the next step in my journey.