Thursday, October 2, 2014


Rascal Flatts is often criticized for over-produced music. I love them because they are great story tellers.

Some time ago, I watched one of those inspirational sport videos. There was the most beautiful quote. I've looked for the video since then and have never been able to find it.

The quote was something along the lines of:

When the monsters inside are quiet, the monsters outside can do you no harm.

After the events of the last few days, I've thought about how sad Mike is. His anger, resentment & lack of confidence come through in his actions and words. That's not making an assumption. Truly happy people do not attack other people, especially when the other person is simply trying to give them feedback. They do not attempt to belittle or demean others. I went through a lot of self reflection many months ago and learned a lot about myself, but he isn't willing to do that. It's really sad to me because I really did care about him.

I never attacked his person.

Angry/unhappy people make personal attacks.

Strong/confident people address actions.

And I felt so sorry for him.

When the monsters inside are quiet, the monsters outside can do you no harm.

And this quote is the reason his attacks on my person didn't bother me. For those of you going through something similar, I hope you realize.

When someone makes a comment about you, it says nothing about you. But, it says everything about them. 

I can't imagine the hurt & hate people like this, carry with them every day. The pain. I can't get over feeling sorry for him, I mean, truly sorry. My heart breaks for him, but I think empathy is one of those traits that women have that make us such great leaders.

Over time, it will go away.

Until then, I feel a sense of liberation that I haven't felt since this whole thing happened many months ago.

For months, I knew he blamed me (because I think he misunderstood my apology. I apologized for the way I broke up with him. I never apologized for doing it.). He needed to understand that he was responsible for the actions that got him fired. He didn't want the feedback, but I had to say it; after he continually called me a liar. I've noticed that when people resort to name calling, it's often because they seem themselves in the situation.

After all, people only get mad when they know deep inside that they are wrong.

The whole thing could have been avoided if he only just listened to me. Instead of getting angry and attacking me, if he only could have said, "Thanks Tea. Thank you for this feedback. It's important for me to learn how I can improve as a Coach. I know this wasn't easy for you to do." Instead, because he claims he 'never had a problem with an athlete" I was the problem. No, my dear. I was the only one to give you feedback.

I was the only one that tried to give you feedback because you told me once that you always strive to be better. Yet, when faced with the opportunity to do so, you chose to attack the person that cared enough to give you the feedback. 

That doesn't sound like someone who wants to be held accountable for their actions or wants to become a better coach.

After I told him, I felt so free. No more negativity or judgments disguised as being helpful.

And it feels wonderful.