Monday, April 6, 2015

Freedom...........................and Happy Birthday

Tempe: Here I come

What a ride it's been.

The past 4 months have been crazy. There are times, I still can't figure out how I got everything done when I needed to get it done.

I the midst of the insanity....saying to Coach, "Forget it. I give up. Put the workouts wherever you need to. I'll make it work. Even if it means doing the late masters." (To put this in perspective. I despise late masters. It messes with my sleep. I get home WAY after my normal bedtime.)

After trying to negotiate my work schedule, my meetings, my training schedules....I couldn't do it anymore. 

I surrendered to the chaos.

But I did it. Whatever she told me to do, I got it done. No excuses. 

I'm telling you. There were days I couldn't see straight. There were days that I knew I'd be on the trainer late that night and on the treadmill at stupid o'clock in the morning the next day.

I was tired from working in the warehouse. I was tired from walking 8-9 miles a day in addition to my workouts. I was tired from lifting boxes. I was tired from getting home and seeing that puppy face staring at me....telling me it was time for MY walk, when all I wanted to do was SIT DOWN. JUST FOR 5 MINUTES. PLEASE.

Somehow, I did it. Somehow, I did all the training. I packed boxes. I walked miles at work....and I ate and slept like it was my job.

Then in the past couple of weeks a sense of calm, a sense of freedom has come over me. 

It was a freedom that I've never felt before. Things started changing in my training. My outlook changed. I felt like I was changing.

I was letting go of those old bonds.

Out of nowhere, I felt like a entirely new athlete. 

Goals that once seemed impossible started to seem possible.
I think it all happened after this post. It was about me accepting me. Reconciling with myself. It was about letting go of that "old self".

I felt capable of achieving. I felt strong. I felt my mind clear out, and I saw myself for what I really am, for the first time.

I feel ready.