Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Means to an end

I was reading Titanium's blog today, and I realized that I had withdrawn from blogging. Not that any of you have any expectations of me....

This past month has been really hard. We've had to deal with the passing of two friends, a suicide attempt, the heart attack of a special grandparent...then the surgery, then the return home, then a collapse in the middle of the floor, seizure, internal bleeding, another surgery and several more days in the hospital, another loss of a friend, business issues, home life issues, sleepless nights and finally and almost inconsequentially at this point, our 1992 car breaksdown and is irreparable.

I'm not a drama queen at all. In fact, the reason I did not post about all of this is because at a certain point, I know, readers will say "It's just not possible. She must be making this up".


What I have realized is that after awhile, you just become numb to everything. For awhile, I was thinking "What next", but that's over now.

Now, I'm just very tired.

A little over a week ago, I ran a half marathon...at Mike's recommendation. I was planning on skipping it.

During this "race", I had not one, not two, but three emotional breakdowns. (I will bet you money that they happened right in front of the race photogs). At the end of the third, I was so emotionally and physically exhausted that I didn't think I would be able to finish.

I did, but not for glory or getting a medal. It was just because I had no way of getting back to the train station except to following the marathon route.

I was reading T's blog today, and I realized that the worst thing that I could have done is gone into hiding. I didn't allow myself enough downtime to fully process everything that has taken place. It might have saved me a few emotional outbursts, but at least it came out.

There's more to this story, but I will have to save it for another time.

Today is my birthday. We're making homemade pizza and eating alot of cake tonight.