Last week, I ran a 5k. It was very cold. The course was a sheet of ice in spots and snow packed in others. I've PR'd in conditions like this.I wasn't too worried about the course itself.
I didn't realize that THIS was going to be the day that I had my emotional purge. Right from the start, I was a mess. I couldn't wait to cross the finish line. A 5k has never felt so long.
I knew it was going to happen, but I thought it was going to happen during a long run. Or some other time that I was able to let my mind go and think.
NOPE. It happened on the day of my 5k. I wasn't disappointed because I knew it had to happen some time. So much so that I was sobbing and heaving like a toddler. I'm not kidding. I couldn't get to my car fast enough.
This week, I have another 5k. Although it will be warmer, conditions will be the same. This week my goal is different. Most importantly, it isn't a race effort so to speak. This week, my goal is to regain my mental balance while running. My assignment, from Coach, this week consisted of coming up with new mantras to use during the race. The race which is a long run with a 5K thrown in the middle.
New mantras, new goals, new objectives for my new chapter.
Today's rant brought to you by Small Business America.
I'm no expert in running a business. I don't even have enough fingers and toes to count the number of mistakes I've made.
There are a few things that make me absolutely CRAZY and from business owners THAT SHOULD KNOW BETTER.
1.) Don't become a business owner if your goal is to be a millionaire (or a billionaire or a gazillionaire). If your focus is on money, you lose focus on what is important: PRIMARILY your customers. You become so focused on getting to that $$ goal, that you lose what is truly important. Instead of focusing on money, your focus should be on trying to build something fantastic or being the best at what you do. Success is not defined by money. Success is defined by being the best.
2.) STOP HAVING MEETINGS. START WORKING. In fact, STOP reading self help books. STOP reading books about HOW to become a millionaire. I've got news for you. The people who have successful businesses aren't having meetings about how cool it is. They aren't reading about how great it is. Set your "entrepreneurial toolbox" aside and get moving. What do you think the successful business owners are doing? Hell, I'd ask, but THEY ARE TOO BUSY WORKING.
3.) Running a business isn't about YOU. I know. Crazy, right? You put your heart and soul into a business, but I'm saying it's not about you? Damn straight. How did you get there? Were you able to do it all by yourself? Nope. You either have employees or vendors or suppliers or contractors or shippers or developers. It's takes a team to build a business. Let go of the ego. The Captain will always go down with the ship, but the crew is celebrated with safe arrival.
4.) STOP, please, STOP comparing yourself to others. Oh, you like that new BMW the Smiths are driving? Or that mansion in the mountains? Or that extravagant vacation? NEWS FLASH....focusing on what everyone else has doesn't help your business. You should eat, sleep and breathe your business. Oh, and take time away from it....turn off that phone NOW.
5.) Mistakes aren't the end of the world. They're just mistakes. Plain and simple. We all make them. Sometimes we make the same ones over and over. But eventually, we learn from them. Mistakes are nothing to be embarrassed about. In fact, you should laugh at them! Stories about your mistakes are GREAT ways to bond with employees and build a history. Nothing does it better. Besides how do you expect to LEARN without making mistakes? If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you always got.
6.) "NO" is NOT a reason to stop what you are doing. You're going to be told "NO". You're going to be told "It's impossible". Let those people worry about what THEY can and can't do. YOU just keep go on being your awesome self.
7.) Take advantage of social media. Find the one that best fits with your customer and grow your customer base that way. This one just kills me! Social media is a "captive audience". Post often! YOU HAVE to stay in the forefront of your customer's mind or they WILL forget about you. People see your posts. INTERACT with your customers. Get to know them. People share your pictures. Their friends see the pictures, they like your page. Remember that old shampoo commercial: I'll tell two friends. They'll tell two friends and so on and so on and so on. It's like magic. Yes, there *can* be cost, if you go that route of boosting posts or placing ads, etc, but trust me...as for advertising, it's cheaper than Adwords. I think the minimum amount is $5? I think you can skip the mochachino with extra whip and put $5 into your social media budget.
8.) Being a business owner sometimes means eating pasta and ragu for a year or two or even three. It means not buying new clothes for years. It means driving a +10 year old car. It means LIVING out of that car. It means living a lifestyle now that few would accept to live a life later that few can imagine.
9.) Think you know everything because you've been at this a long time? YOU'RE WRONG. Change is the only constant. Open your mind. Be a student....for the rest of your life. Stay up on trends. Stay up on technology. Stay up on research. You don't like it? It's too much work? Oh, I'm sorry (see numbers 1-8 above).
It's not easy. It's not for the feint of heart, but it is worth every hour, every dollar that you put into it.
I have always believed in closure and more than just being visceral imagery. I need real closure. For me, this has always come in the form of a physical act. A REAL act of closure.
Over the years, at the end of a tough time, when it is truly over, I have taken to either writing letters or writing thoughts on index cards. I take those letters or index cards and burn them. Allow the ashes to fly off, disappear, just gone.
I've done this ceremony even with the boys, if they had a hard school year, we'd go outside. They'd write their thoughts on index cards. I'd tell them that they are passing their feelings off to the universe. They no longer have to worry about whatever it was. And we'd burn the cards. We'd let the ashes blow off into the world.
A new chapter would start.
For several weeks, I've been trying to write a letter. No matter how many times I started, I couldn't get out my thoughts. One attempt was too warm fuzzy. One was too apologetic. One didn't encompass everything I wanted to say.
Finally, last night I sat down and wrote the letter the way it was meant to be written, no filters, no holding back. I was able to be me without worrying about anyone passing judgement or hurting someone's feelings.
Because THIS letter was about MY freedom.
and I wrote and I wrote and I wrote.
then I wrote more and more.
Before I knew it, I had pages and pages of monologue.
I left spelling errors and grammatical errors because the letter was supposed to be imperfect. It wasn't supposed to make sense to anyone but me. It was supposed to hold and show any anger that I had. It was beautiful in the run-on sentences and lack of punctuation. If I'm going to release it, it has to be perfectly imperfect.
I left the letter overnight. I wanted to re-read it in the morning when I was by myself. I wanted to make sure that I said everything.
The great thing happened. I read the letter, and I felt nothing. No more anger. No more hurt. No more pain.
I took the letter outside to set it on fire.
It was really cold. I had a hard time getting the fire going, and I thought, "Wow. This is sort of anti-climatic".
Then it really got started.
And all was left
which I appropriately smothered.
I thought about what to do with the ashes. Do I hold them up and let them blow off into the universe?
No. I decided those words didn't deserve to be released by me. I had already released them when I felt "nothing" reading the letter this morning.
Instead, over time, those cold, fragile ashes will blow off and slowly disappear on their own. I don't owe them ceremony.
Today was a day of completely random thoughts. I guess they aren't really random when I think about it. Something triggers them, right?
I was really busy today. In between bouts of busy-ness, I had small periods of downtime, getting from one place to another. That tends to be some of my best thinking time.
Not a day goes by that I'm not thankful for what I have. I know my post about work made it sound like we were struggling financially. We're not. That post was about efficiency not finances.
As I was saying, not a day goes by that I'm not thankful for having this business. It has allowed us to do things that we'd never have been able to do. We're fortunate that our oldest son (Jordan) received a full ride scholarship. We have another son getting ready to go to college. We are fortunate that we can send them to college. If I had stayed working in corporate America and Mike remained a stay at home dad, there would be no way we could afford it. Mike stayed home NOT because I was making a ton of money although I was making significantly more than many Americans). He stayed home because we agreed that one parent needed to be home with the kids when they were little.
I don't know if any of you stay up on college expenses and funding it, but over the past years, student loans have been cut. It is very hard to pay for college. There are kids in our neighborhood who graduated at the top of their class who are unable to afford to go to college. I paid for my own college and got a bachelor degree and two master's degrees. I'll be paying for that student loan debt for the rest of my life (or so it seems). I feel very fortunate that my kids will be able to start out in a much better situation than I did.
The other piece to this is that I love what I do. I never had any dreams to be an entrepreneur when I was younger. I never ever could have imagined that I'd end up doing what I do. Life is funny like that. In other jobs, I always felt underutilized. Here, I get to use my strengths. I never got to do that before (in my old jobs). On a daily basis, I get to talk to customers. I get to hear what they like and what they don't like.
I was thinking about all that when I read about the Captain and tenille breaking up. Now, you can laugh. You can say that it's not important. But it is important, not from the viewpoint that yet another celebrity marriage failed. It was important because a 39 year marriage failed. This hit me maybe more than many of my friends because very few of my friends have been married as long as Mike and I have been. Mike is younger than me. This year, we will be together 22 years. That is MORE THAN HALF HIS LIFE. I think about the break up of a marriage that lasted 39 years, and it leaves me with a really sick feeling because I don't know what I would do if something happened to Mike and I. We have so much time together.
I think it hit a nerve with me because a good marriage, a really good one allows both people to become who they need to be. We have done that for each other. When you get together at a very young age, you haven't grown up yet. We have given each other the space to do just that while still staying in love. Mike and I are so opposite, and I think that's why it's worked as long as it has. I like friends who are like me, who share my interests. But to keep things interesting at home, I need someone who is different than me. Mike keeps me balanced.
Of course, that thought led me on to relationships in general, friendships, work, family etc. For the past few months, I had some friend issues. You all know about the Coach break up, but there were other things going on too: friendships that really never developed that I learned pretty quickly were going to take more work than they were worth. It's been kind of hard.
But then, I've been very lucky to get to know other people much better. It's nice to not have that baggage. If I'm having a bad day, I don't have to pretend like my day is full of sunshine and pixie dust. Or if I'm really busy (like today), no one takes offense if they don't hear from me all day long. As much flexibility as I have with my schedule, I still run a company and for the 100th time NO I CAN'T MAKE MID DAY YOGA AND LUNCH AFTERWARD. (Besides the fact that....if coach says "No, you shouldn't be taking those extra classes", I'm going to listen. I'm her bitch like that).
My day normally starts at 6am (when it is super quiet, and I can get a lot done). My day usually ends around 7pm. So, yeah, I take time in the middle of the day to do my training. Again, I'm very fortunate in that I *do* have that flexibility. Once in awhile, I have to scrunch together workouts (like today), but most of the time, I have it pretty easy. I think about my friends who work odd shifts and/or long shifts or just the normal M-F 8-5pm thing, and I just don't even know how they do it. They are MUCH stronger and dedicated people than I am. In my old job, I used to get up early and run/workout, but hell.....I wasn't a triathlete back then. Getting up to run is a piece of cake.
I don't know what really made me think of all this. I hope you all have a very enjoyable and restful weekend.
And wish My Man a happy 42nd birthday this weekend. :)
For the past few years, me and a friend would do this Dec/Jan/Feb thing called Operation Super Fit/Fine (depending on your goals). It was always funny. It was meant to be serious....and definitely NOT a resolution. It was something to keep us motivated for tri-training in the colder months.
It never worked out that way. To me, it was always a joke. Of course, I'd love to think that I could work toward that goal, but I never did.
With OSF, the goal isn't to look like some super lean pro athlete. The goal wasn't physical appearance at all. The goal was physical strength in whatever sport you want. As a triathlete, maybe one year you focus on being the best runner or swimmer or cyclist. You get super fit in that event, for that period of time.
This year, since I switched Coaches and really didn't know what I was heading into, I decided to skip operation super fit.
Instead, I focused 100% on each workout, giving what I'm supposed to give for each training session. Go hard? I go hard. Easy day? No problem. No one does easy like me.
In addition to that, I've taken a serious look at my training nutrition. Last year, I had very weird year of racing. Weirdness includes some fueling issues. I really can't remember a year where I had so many fueling issues. It occurred to me that it was probably because I raced so much. If I'm not racing very much, it's hard to find a common theme with fueling problems. Race often, and you're going to notice a trend.
I certainly did notice a trend.
I have spent a lot of time over the past month, researching. I've found that the problems that I was having was simply from being female and using the standards that had been researched for and developed for men.
For the past month, I've been working on nutrition (daily and training fuel) and being 100% focus on my training.
Without trying, I realized today that I was accomplishing OSF. As I was warming up for my run, my heart rate monitor fell down to my waist. I guess I was so focused on my workouts and fueling that I didn't even noticed that I've lost some fat along the way.
Then, I nailed my 5K paces....no, that's not true. I could have gone faster than I did. The last 5K I ran was 6 or 7 weeks ago. I didn't expect to run so fast today.
Then, I did my plyo workout like it was no big deal.
Even though, I'm focusing on running now, the benefits are affecting my swim and bike as well. I'm only swimming 2x per week but haven't lost any speed.
I'm biking 3x per week and feel like I'm getting stronger.
5 days a week of running
+
5 sessions a week of various types of core strength work (sometimes 2-a-days)
+
3 days of biking
+
2 days of swimming
+ A Solid nutrition Plan Operation Super Fit
I don't have a problem with change. In fact, I embrace it. I've always been a risk taker so accepting changing is no big deal. It's part of the territory.
I'm also human. I know that too much change at once can be more stress than it's worth.
When I hired my coach, I wanted to give myself the best chance of success. I had a little bit of a learning curve (one I am still going through and probably will for awhile). I had to adapt to a completely new way of training and new language and new exercises and drills and communication.
You get the picture. None of it was difficult. I had to adapt, learn how to space workouts (based on what coach wanted me to do) and fit it all in my schedule.
Over the weeks, things became easier, and I started to find the routine. (Although, I confess, swimming--of all things--has been the hardest part to fit into my schedule with the other workouts, but I'm getting there. Swims are most definitely getting done.).
This week, I decided that I was ready to work on my nutrition. I had been WANTING to do this. When the time came, I hit the ground running.
I'm really happy. It's all working together extremely well. There are a few things that I won't really be able to test out until I get into "tri" training. Until then, things are working out.
Of course, it's not perfect. I find that I'm getting hungry more often. I keep top loading, slowing making my breakfast larger and largerand larger.
It's not any different than what I went through with my training. Take a piece, work with it and take the next steps. I'm pretty sure that I've almost lost all the weight that I gained in the Vegas-Thanksgiving-Christmas-Vacation-Eat-A-Thon....which wasn't very much of a gain but nonetheless still a weight gain.
Of course, with triathlon, it's really important to lose the fat without losing the muscle. It's balance between all nutrients and fueling to support workouts. All in all, I think I'm doing pretty well.
With that said, I have my first race under the tutelage of my new coach. I'm really excited about it. I have no expectations about the race, but I like where we are headed. Most importantly, it'll give me a baseline....a starting point. Honestly, I'm not looking for miracles at this race. She and I will only be working together for a little over a month, when I race. Prior to that, I wasn't running very much.
I'm really excited. Have I already said that? It feels like I haven't raced in quite awhile, and I am so ready to lace up and run.
After my post yesterday, I feel the need to explain. I write these posts with the thought (incorrectly) that it's just for me, a way to flush out everything rolling around in my head. I can always tell by responses that I probably should be a little more clear since I really do have 2 or 3 people who read this.
1.) There's never been any issue about my physical ability to do a 70.3. That's not being cocky. It's just the truth. I have a number of them under my belt. Although, I couldn't do one right this second (the bike might get lost in the ever expanding booty), in the height of training (say last year), I definitely could have.
2.)The person that sent that email to me was not referring to my physical ability. They were referring to my mental state.
Were/Are they wrong? Yes. I would never register for a race that I am not ready for mentally and physically....with that said, I have a different definition for "ready" than you might expect....I'll get to that piece in a minute.
The person who sent me the email doesn't have the full story. On the other hand, this person never asked me how I felt about doing a 70.3. THAT's where the problem came in. Instead of saying, "How do you feel about this?" I got the "You're not ready for this" email.
I hope I am making sense.
Now, let me address why I haven't felt "ready" in previous years. To do so, we have to go back to IM CDA. Yea. A long long time ago. Some of you were ready my old blog when I trained for CDA, so you already know this story.
I won't go into everything, but everything that could go wrong leading up to CDA....DID go wrong. I'm talking professionally, personally, financially....every aspect of my life seem to collapse at once. It was not just me. It was our whole family. Finally, everything gave in. On Thursday, we left for CDA, and I came down with the flu. I gave it my best effort on race day. But the cold temps of the water 58 degrees and the difficulty of the bike course, did me in. I pulled myself off the course at the end of the first bike loop.
After that happened, I swore that I would not do another Ironman event until the boys were out of school. The toll of training, starting a company, taking care of two young boys (who were very active in their own sports and hobbies), it was too much for me.
We only have one chance to raise our kids. I didn't want my memories of their childhood to consist of memories of me getting up at 3am to swim in order to get to basketball games followed immediately by a long bike ride.
Because that's how it went with CDA. I saw the toll it took on Mr. Tea. I saw the toll it took on me.
Ready for me, means having the time and the support of Mr. Tea....along with the promise from me....that I wouldn't even think of doing one until they were both in college.
It has nothing to do with my head or my current abilities because those are both there.
Here we are in 2014. With Mr. Tea's blessing, I decided to sign up for a 70.3 in the fall because my youngest leaves for college in August.
Where does that leave me with Ironman?
That's a little trickier. Once I had the time to commit to training for a 70.3, I also said that I didn't want to do an Ironman until I did a 70.3 in under 6 hours.
That will happen this year. I believe my time will be in the 5:30-5:45 range at SOMA.
Why under 6 hours? Because a full Ironman is hard. Quite honestly, I don't want to be out there for 14, 15, 16, 17 hours.
However, we'll see what happens this Fall. I suspect that I'll have a good time at the race. I might want to stick with the 70.3 for another year or so.
I don't know. I'm just trying to explain (since I am asked over and over and over) why I don't do Ironman. I guess for one, I had other priorities. For 2, I never really felt it was necessary. I never really bought into the "longer is better" idea that some triathletes have. (We all know them).
Someday, yes. I will be back.
Right now, I'm looking forward to a really exciting race schedule that starts in May builds very nicely to SOMA in October.
