Being competitive is not a bad thing. Being a bad sport....that's a different story.
I also think that as damaging as rejection can be to some people, it can also be a strong motivator to others. I would never have started my business if so many people hadn't told me "No," throughout my life.
When I was told, "No," for financing for my business....some people would have thrown in the towel. I just dug down deeper.
Over and over and over, I've been told, "No". Over and over and over, I've proven them wrong.
When I first hear it, I get mad. Then, I shake it off and get down to business to prove that person wrong.
It's taking negative energy and turning it into positive motivation. And as long as the goal is something that is important to me, no one can stop me from accomplishing it.
I've been thinking a lot about running lately. I realized that running is a lot like swimming.
I love swimming because of the technique involved. Swimming is one of the finesse sports. You can flap your arms really hard and swim fast and swim long, but you aren't going to really improve until you focus on your technique.
I always saw running as the exact opposite. Get out there and run. Then, run more. Then, run harder. Do your drill work. Do your speed work. Do your long runs. Do tempo runs. Do fartleks.
RUN RUN RUN
That'll make me faster, right?
Well, what I've found is that it doesn't. I should clarify....it certainly worked when I was younger. No matter what I did, I'd get faster.
I tried it for a long time. It was like trying to hammer a square peg into a round hole.
My speed improved....until the improvement slowed....until it stagnated.
Then, running sucked. I started hating it. Why bother with ALL of that training stuff if it WASN'T WORKING?
There was something wrong with me. I knew it. All those other women could run so fast. WHAT was wrong with ME?
More is more, until it isn't.
Coach said that we were going to do a run focus, and I froze for a minute. But, I said, "Ok."
The first thing I thought was, "I've done run focuses. THEY DON'T WORK."
Then she said, "Good. This is going to be unlike anything you've ever done before."
Then she took my race schedule and crossed off my races. "IXNY on the upcoming race schedule".
I knew that I had to change something, so I totally, completely went with it. As far as I was concerned, I can't get any slower.
Over the last 4 weeks, I've learned that running is quite a bit more of a finesse sport than I ever gave it credit.
No more forcing a square peg into a round hole. No more telling me to run "easy". She is teaching me what running easy means.
I didn't even know that running could be easy.
I thought it was a FORCE sport, go hard, go fast, go long.
My paces started dropping, in just 4 weeks time.
On Feb 2nd, I have a 5k. I have no expectations for this race. My goal isn't to PR. I want my race to feel as good as my training has felt.
At the same time, I'm cautiously optimistic.
My goal wasn't to become a "runner". My goal is to be the best triathlete I can be.
And I know, now, that there was nothing wrong with me.
I'm at a point where I can write about this and I need to write about it.
Coach Mike and I broke up in Dec. It was the hardest thing that I've been through in a very long time because he was my best friend. If you have a relationship with your coach that has gone on for years, you know what I'm talking about.
A relationship like that doesn't end without hurt on both sides. Both of us were responsible for that.
That's why I've been blogging, a lot. I don't have that person that I can go to about all my training thoughts or thoughts on business ideas, etc. I have close friends, but I don't want to monopolize the conversation with my inner thoughts of how a run went.
I can live the fact that he doesn't want anything to do with me anymore. I understand that he took the professional break up as a personal attack.
I don't live life with regrets. I can handle rejection. I would regret not reaching out to him. Even though, that means he might not respond or he might respond in attack mode.
Life is WAY too short to harbor anger or hurt. So, when we run into each other at a race or accidentally in training, I'll greet him with open arms and open heart.
If I were to list out my events from best to 3rd best, It'd be: BIKE/SWIM/RUN with the bike and swim being very close.
In 2013, I was #1 on the bike at every race except one. That race I hadn't even trained for, not the way I should but I was going through a phase. I have to say that given my training, it was a pretty exceptional effort on my part. (Not to mention, I was using the wrong cassette and had to fix mechanical problems).
In 2013, I was usually 2nd on the swim.
In 2013, I was usually top 7....(depending on the distance) on the run. I was as high as 5th in a couple of races.
I kept saying that if I could just get my run a little faster. I wasn't asking for a lot, just a little bit faster. If I could do that, I could really be a force to be reckoned with. You don't have to be good at math to understand the numbers above.
1st + 2nd + 7th doesn't really equal 2nd or 3rd.
Unless, your 1st and 2nd are THAT much faster than everyone else's.
If you had the nerve to get out of the water before me, I was going to hunt you down on the bike.
Then, it was my turn to be hunted down when it came to the run.
There's a mental aspect to this that I had to learn. Because someone passed me, it didn't mean they were faster than me "overall". It didn't even mean that they'd finish top 10. They were simply fast runners than me. In other words, if I was passed on the run, I had to "hold my shit together" (as Molly says).
None of this is new.
This is new: my approach to running.
It's hard to say that I'm on a run focus because it is unlike any other run focus I have ever done. In a way, it doesn't even feel like a run focus. I never feel beat up, not even on long days. I finish running, and I feel energized. Coach has changed a lot of things. I have new heart rate zones. I am on a strength training plan that I love and was exactly what I was looking for. ($$$ savings NO Personal trainer!)
The result, so far, has been some of my fastest times ever....and that on snow and ice.
Today, I had a workout that called for 5k intervals and faster than 5k intervals. The intervals were back to back. For all intents and purposes, it's a hard workout. Not quite a speed day, but fast...and on hills and snow and ice. I had NO expectations for this workout.
When I finished, I checked my times. I posted my fastest training run....ever, maybe? It's been so long since I've run that fast. I can't even tell you when I ran that fast. my 30's? My 20's?
Maybe, now, you understand when I say expect big things this year.
I don't expect to be 1st, but I don't have to accept being 7th on the run.
In the past year, I was so lucky to meet a bunch of new people. For me, it takes awhile to get to know people. My personal opinion is that EVERYONE is cool when things are going well, but people show their true colors when bad things happen in their life.
I guess it's been a couple of months, there were a few of these people that I just needed to get out of my life. I wouldn't call them friends at all. They were more like acquaintances that I saw on a regular basis.
The FB posts or comments in real life or email messages....showed me, over time, that I don't want to have anything to do with these people.
I took steps to make sure that happened.
Triathlon is hard enough. We don't need negative people around who are going to complain or call other people names (like high schoolers) or criticize other people's choices, right?
For ****s sake, this has been the year of relationships for me, hasn't it?
I'm at this point.
Training is going well.
I have wonderful people in my life supporting me. (Hopefully, they feel like they have my support as well, in WHATEVER they choose to do).
For the first time in awhile, I feel like I know what I want. I know what it takes to get there.
In the simplest terms, I'm in a really good place. I was chatting with someone over FB today about race schedules.
I hadn't realized how excited I was to race. I'm usually excited to race but not like this....not this early in the year.
I'm going to have my best year of racing yet.
My A race? PR. I'm calling it now.
How do I know?
Because I'm a believe it before you see it type of person.
And I believe it.
That 70.3 at the end of the year? All I can say is be prepared to be amazed. I have some goals for that race and a plan to get there.
The races that I came in 2nd and 3rd last year? My sisters better be ready because I'm going to be very hard to catch. It's going to come down to wanting it. They are going to have to want it more than me.
For the past few weeks, I've been watching what I say here (on my blog) and on facebook.
FUCK IT. I'm not doing that anymore. People are going to see themselves in what I say. It's not my problem if you suffer from low esteem and think that my world revolves around you.
Now, that we've cleared the air: I've been posting a lot lately. It won't last forever. I'm excited about the way things have been going. I feel so good.
My training has changed in very subtle ways, but it has had a huge impact on me physically and emotionally. I'm not getting my hopes up too soon (coughhoneymooncough), but I haven't felt this good in years. I'm sleeping better than I have in a long time. That's saying a lot because I'd gotten to the point where I was trying to survive on 2 hours of sleep a night.
I've been racing in one form or another for a very long time. I know that training and mood and physical ability ebb and flow. Some times I'll feel great, and sometimes not. For me it's no different than racing.
I've been told that I'm an emotional racer. That is absolutely true, but what you might not realize is that I don't hold on to any of that.
I prefer to think of myself as a "catch and release" athlete.
Ride the wave of the good times during training or racing.....acknowledge bad spells but don't hold on to them.
Now that I think about it, that goes WAY beyond training and racing. A friend of mine reminded me recently that I had told her many many many years ago about the relationship spiral. Sometimes we spiral toward each other...that's when things are really good. Sometimes we spiral away. That's when things are tough.
But we don't just give up....we ride the wave.....acknowledge the bad times but we don't throw the whole thing away because we hit a rough patch. That'd be like quitting a race just because we're tired.
I recently had this exact situation with a friend that I've known since 1999. (In fact, I wrote a blog post on it a month or so ago). We were on opposite ends of the spiral because our lives had gone in different directions. Then, out of the blue, he contacted me yesterday. It was great to hear from him. It really made my whole day.
Enjoy the good times. Don't harbor the bad. It will only hurt you.
"If you don't like Daughtry, you can suck it"--Tea
I guess it's time to come clean.
I have a new coach.
The change has been easier (in some ways) and harder (in others) than I expected.
For a little while, I was without a coach. Yes, for awhile, I debated whether or not I should even look for another coach.
Looking for a coach, interviewing them....deciding what was important to me....it was really exhausting.
The first issue I dealt with was that I have a number of friends who are coaches. Do I look to them first?
It was a resounding, "NO". I wanted a clean slate. I wanted someone that didn't even know me.
Then, it got to the really tough question: Do I look for a woman coach? Do I go with a male coach?
This was a question that I struggled with for several days. Mr. Tea thought I should stick with a dude.
Before I continue, here's my disclaimer: Nothing that I say here should reflect on my previous coach. I have nothing but good things to say about him.
I decided to look for a woman coach. Here's why:
1.) I want to support woman-owned businesses.
2.) From dealing with my male-friends, I've noticed a trend with men. They seem to want to take care of women. I don't want/need to be taken cared of. I don't need protection. As much as I love my men friends, I don't think I could handle those tendencies in a male coach.
3.) I think a woman would be more likely to tell me "NO". Why? Because they know other women don't need to be "handled" carefully. They aren't afraid to tell me if I'm wrong. A guy? Yeah....see #2.
My preference was to look for a woman who was over 50. That's almost impossible. For the past year, I've been really concerned about the impact that changing hormones has had on my training. How do I say this, training needs to be adapted to women who are in their late 40's. We cannot follow the same training that men in their late 40's do. We can't follow the same training that a woman in her mid 30's does.
There are days that we struggle to get out of bed for goodness sakes. And not because we're *emotional* or *depressed* but because when hormones drop below a certain level, we physically cannot move. We want to move. We want to take care of our lives, but we can't do it. There are few things as frustrating as not being able to climb a flight of stairs or get up to get breakfast. There's actually a term for it. It's called Crash Fatigue. Seriously, google it. Nevermind, just click the link if you're interested.
But that's just one issue that we have to deal with.
How in the world do I find someone who can work with me, with those requirements?
Then came the google searches. I can't tell you how many websites I looked at....and none felt right.
Finally, I found a coach. Now, came the hard part. Learning about each other.
There were a couple of things that my Coach did right off the bat that made me realize I made the right decision:
1.) She is unbelievably organized.
2.) She told me, "No." I sent her my race schedule, and she advised against several races. In addition to that, she went through my entire year's worth of training, ask me a gazillion questions (some of which I couldn't even answer), and came up with a plan for this year. A new approach for me.
3.) The first thing she said to me was, "Women in their late 40's need a different approach. It's a subtle difference but a difference nonetheless". (That's not an exact quote, but it is very close). She had me at "women in the late 40's".
4.) She's sent me several articles about dealing with "change" and just a bunch of different things. She's recommended books for me to read. (Which of course, I DID).
It's all been very helpful.
We have a lot of work ahead of us. Of course, I don't mind at all. We have run tests and bike tests to do. Not to mention, I need to learn what to say and how to say it.
Can I drop F-bombs on a regular basis?
Can I scream out: I'M IN IT TO WIN IT!!! (without looking like some ego-maniac compulsive triathlete addict?)
Will she get my sense of humor?
BUT most importantly, will she understand that I take triathlon seriously, but I never take myself seriously? In other words, I'm here to have fun. I have goals, but ultimately, triathlon is a way to work out my every day issues. I have a life outside of triathlon.
So much of this takes time. I can't tell her, "I'll work my ass off". She needs to see it.
We both agreed that this first month will be sort of a "getting to know each other" month.
So far, I like what I see. I think it's the start of something good.
