Sunday, August 11, 2013


I've been meaning to write. So many times I've started different entries and stopped.

As you know, I had a rough week made even harder by some other things that were going on.  Life happens, and we do what we can and move on.

This coming year is a new stage for me. Some of you (my friends) have been through this, but it's the first time that I've been through it. My oldest officially moved out of the house. My youngest is in his senior year in high school. This time next year, he'll be gone off to college, military....whatever it is that he decides on. (As of yet, he doesn't even know). He won't be here.

There is a lot to deal with. On one hand, I'm looking forward to having a clean house. Let me tell you, a house gets worked over when you have 4 adults living in it. When Jordan moved out, the reduction of "stuff" felt like a lot more than 25%.

Over the past few years, I've done a 180 on what things I really want to do when the boys move out. the things I *thought* I wanted to do....well, I don't care about anymore.

But, I think these are all normal feelings when people have kids really young. If they aren't normal, f*ck it. They're my feelings, so they're normal for me. For such a long time, I felt really trapped and put every bit of energy I had into raising the kids.

Only to get to a point, where I can do whatever I want to do. From even the simplest things, like eating dinner whenever I want or not checking to see what EVERYONE else wants....or better yet....staying in bed for as long as I want.

For awhile, this sense of freedom was literally overwhelming. I wanted to do everything and go everywhere.

I've settled down now.

Since this blog is *primarily* a training blog, this also positively affects me training in a completely different way than I was expecting.

Of course, I have time to train, more than I ever had. Yes, I have a job. I have one of the most flexible jobs around. I can train whenever I want.

But, I can GO places. I can go to any races. Next weekend, I'm doing a race. The next day, with my crazy swimmer friends, I'm doing a 2.4 mile swim and a 1:30 bike. The swim is a drive that's over 2 hours from me. It doesn't matter though.

I can go spend time with friends. MY friends. Not friends because my kids are on the same little league team.

This weekend was USAT Age Group Nationals. For the first time ever, I knew almost 10 people doing either the olympic (on Saturday) or the sprint (on Sunday).

This would be the perfect set up for me. A weekend with a bunch of like-minded people. I would love to do that.

The problem is that I'm not fast enough to qualify for Nationals.

And it was killing me. I was watching the pictures coming in of everyone celebrating or cheering each other on. I was so genuinely happy for each of them, just for making it to Nationals. To me that's a really big deal. Nationals is one of those things that I always wanted to do but never really thought there was a chance that I could ever make it.

Mike and I are supposed to go over my list of goals at the end of this season. I sent him a rather lengthy list of goals, some short term and some most long term. The goals can seem sort of random. I guess, in a way, they are.

For a long time, I'd see women at races, hitting speeds that I couldn't even dream of hitting. Year after year, I set "reasonable" goals.

This *new* list has some crazy goals. My thinking has changed over the years. If other women can do those speeds....why can't I?

I was looking at the finish times of the women in my AG. NO ONE IS EVER #1 IN ALL 3 SPORTS. That's why I love triathlon.

The women who came in first....she wasn't some sort of crazy athletic woman. She was just a woman who worked really hard to make her weaknesses, less of a weakness, and she knew how to use her strengths to her advantage.

There's no reason that I can't be the same way.

When the goal becomes bigger and more important than the discomfort you have to go to get there, it's time to go for it. 

Although I'm waiting to share the goals, only because I want to make sure that they don't change, I will tell you this. There are two goals that I want really bad.

1.) I want to break 6 hours on the 70.3. It's been a long time since I've done a 70.3. I'm a little nervous about doing one. I've been putting it off because I have been afraid to do one again. I kept saying things like "When I can swim *this* fast" or when I can "run" this fast. Those goals were moving targets. Every time I hit the goal, instead of doing a 70.3, I changed the goal and made it harder. I did it because I was really afraid of doing it. I know that now.

Now, I'm still afraid. At least, I'm ready to take it on. When? I don't really know. Maybe next year?

2.) I really want to get to a 2:45 Oly. This season has been so strange for me, disappointing. It's all my fault too. I picked bad races. Of the races that were supposed to be "A" races, something odd happened. I just want an opportunity to race an oly. I don't think 2:45 is really much of a stretch. I just haven't been able to get there for a variety of reasons/mishaps. (At one race, I go off course. At another, the swim is long. Another is at a higher altitude. Another had last minute, course changes. At another, I was undertrained---because of work issues and not being able to ride. It's been one thing or another).

Although these are two different distances (3 if I throw in more sprints---which I will), I think they can all work together.

In the meantime, I have a race this weekend. This race was the very first Oly distance race that I did. I'm not really sure how I feel about the race.

The race has one leetle issue that I think is going to be really good for me. The race has a time trial start by bib number and NOT by Age Group. What this means is that I have no idea where the other women in my AG.

THIS WILL BE VERY GOOD FOR ME. I need to stop thinking about where the other women are. I can focus on just racing my best race without being concerned about others. Some times I'm better at that than others. :)

This race will force the issue.

Wish me luck!