When we last saw our heroine, she was knee deep in a box of chocolates wallowing in self pity.

Let's see how she is doing today....

in a word

GREAT

Great, once I took a few days off from structured training and did whatever I felt like doing because Bestest Coach got the 3 alarm fire alert and went into a frenzy clearing out my training plan before I went into full on freak out mode. Let me tell you, he barely made it out in time. 

And yes, there was a LOT of whining like a little baby. Don't believe me? Ask Bestest Coach.

Seriously. No one can throw a tantrum better than me. My thoughts are that if he hasn't fired me in almost 2 years(!) then odds are that he probably isn't going too no matter HOW MANY tantrums I throw or HOW many times I tell him that I'm JUST NOT GOING TO DO something. 

like....

buy a new cassette (sigh, yes, he was right)

or sight more (sigh, yes, he was right)

or pick up the cadence (sigh, yes, he was right)

or kick less (can we be done now, please?)

But enough about that.

I'm better, and I have done stuff this week. It's probably along the volume of work that YE GRANDE MORTALS do. By no means can my "exercising" be counted in hours this week. But still, it might JUST be enough to ward off the red velvet muffins that came into my possession. 

Seriously, the bakery needs to be a little more careful where they place things. THEY WERE RIGHT IN MY REACH for goodness sakes. Am I supposed to just walk right passed something like that?

Anyhoo, you'll be happy to know that I'll be back to my regularly scheduled off season program next week.

Until then, tootles dearies. 

Stick a fork in me

I'm done. Toast. Burned out.

I don't know if I've ever been burned out before. I've been tired at the end of a season: normal. I've looked forward to the off season: normal.

But, I've never wanted to give up on everything before. I used to look forward to my half marathons and off season training.

Now, I can't even think of training at any level.

I'm trying to figure out what things will interest me. So far, there's nothing.

After failed workouts yesterday, I'm skipping my long run today.

I've known this was coming. If you are a FB friend, you know how much I was looking forward to off season.

What happened?

I don't know, but I know it was psychological. I feel like the intensity just never let up, like I was still in race season. Hit THESE numbers. Go THIS fast. Do THIS workout.

My mind was thinking "Oh thankgoodness....OFF SEASON. I can let up."

Meanwhile, it "felt" like I was still training for races.  I knew at some point, some thing was going to have to give.

I had a great season. I gave what I could. I was never so happy that a season was over. There's only so much I can give. Honestly, I think that's the sign of a good season.

I'll go into recovery mode for awhile. I was looking at classes at my new gym. Maybe I'll try something completely different. I was planning on signing up with a personal training in Dec, but maybe I'll do it sooner than later. I need something that is not triathlon related but that still allows me to move....because I *will* drive everyone in the house crazy if I'm not moving. Hell, I'll drive myself crazy.

In the meantime, I walked LDG (Little Girl Dog). Now, it's time to get back into jammies.

Self Assessment

In my little Tea world, I have one real binding principle. I take what I do seriously, but I don't take myself seriously.

Someone important said that. I just stole it.

It's true, though.

Last week, I had a "real" reflective week. Real meaning that I found myself in QUITE the quiet mood, thinking a lot about my season. I'd just finished my last triathlon of the year, and I had an entire week to think about the year.

(Before I get any crap about this, let me clarify. I have ONE more triathlon this year, but it doesn't count. It will hardly be race and more of a "let's see how much suffering I can put myself through before I start crying like a man with a cold")  (Oh, sorry guys with colds.) The reason for the sufferfest is that I will be doing a bike tour the day before. Granted, the 41 miles isn't bad....it's the route and the fact that combined days bike mileage will be around 66 miles or so. For me, that's a lot.

But I digress.

Back to my reflection.

Just for fun, g'head and listen to a little Delta Rae while you're reading. G'head. I won't mind.

I thought about a lot of things: racing, good, bad, personality flaws (yours not mine. KIDDING. remember the whole "don't take yourself seriously"?)

Here's what I came up with:

1.) I think I come across as a complainer. I'm not. I believe strongly in letting out emotion. I've been known to have a good cry on the bike and run. I've been known to drop F bombs on a regular basis, and I complain. But I always do the workout; unless there is a really good reason for missing it.

I'm not someone who holds back emotion. If I like you, you'll know. (You might even be a little creeped out, but you'll get used to it). If I don't like you, you will DEFINITELY know.

2.) I may very well be a wussie. Now. Now. Don't go all "Tea...you are so NOT a wussy. You are SO tough and awesome and clever and beautiful and did I mention awesome? BTW, can I borrow $40?"  I'm being serious. Do I push myself hard enough? Am I doing what I'm supposed to be doing? Am I focused?

I don't know. I guess it depends on my goals, right? Maybe I do good enough for what I do? What if I want more?

I need to go through dewussification.

3.)  Next: I talk too much to the wrong people, about training. Imma gonna reel it in a bit and use my blog more for my thinking out loud. Again, I think it sends the wrong message.

Those are the personality issues I'm going to address, just little ways we can all improve. I think I did pretty well with my list from last season. Sometimes, I don't even realize how I come across until I really "see" another person's reaction....or lack of reaction.

Training/Racing

I had a few thoughts. These are all good because I learned a lot this year. Every year that goes by, I learn a little more about myself, what I can do, what I like, what I don't like, etc.

I'm happy to say that this year was mostly about things I like or things that I'm good at.

This year, I learned just how much I love swimming long distances. I love it. I have no desire to give up triathlon to become a marathon swimmer. But I sure do love doing those 2.4 to 5k swims. I never would have guessed it.There's just something relaxing about swimming. I love swimming with my gang. There's something to be said for training WITH people but being unable to talk or support each other verbally, you just have to know the others are there for you.

It is completely different in that regard.

As for the bike, it's a work in progress. I had some of my best races ever, on the bike. Quite honestly, I have a lot to learn. I think it would be good for me to do more (ie--a lot of bike tours next year). I don't know if Coach will go for it because we probably won't talk for a couple of months (about next year). I think it would be a good way for me to do long rides once in awhile.

On the other hand, I sure do love those threshold workouts. I love them.

But, we can't just focus on what we're good at or what we like to do, now, can we?

Running is an animal all to itself. I've always loved running. I confess, I've never been a fan of track work, but I can work around that. I still love my long runs, slow as they might be. In particular, I love winter running. I'm looking forward to those cold or snowy (hopefully) days.

But, I have a hang up. It's hard for me to push after the bike. I don't know how to fix it.

Those are the sports individually.

Then there are races. No clue what I'm going to do next year. I have plenty of time to figure it out. I just don't know if I should venture back to the oly or maybe stick with the sprint.

That 10K is really a killer for me, and....and.....I didn't enjoy it this year. I loved the swim, loved the 40k bike, but the run? It was so difficult that I've considered (for the upcoming tri) either taking a DNF after the swim and bike OR dropping down to the sprint. Although, I'd rather swim long/ride long. I don't actually have to decide on that until race day.

Remember, this race doesn't really mean anything to me. I just don't know if I want to end the season on another bad run.

This is where I feel I need to stress a point. I'm not at all upset with running. I made big strides this year. DON'T MISUNDERSTAND ME. PLEASE. I call it as I see it when the mood hits. I love running. I'm just struggling with running at the end of a tri. It's frustrating.

But improvements are NOT linear. If they were, there would be no challenge in these sports. We'd know that all we have to do is show up day in and day out, and we'd automatically get faster or go longer.

The CHALLENGE is the reason I do this. That's why I haven't given up. Sometimes, we have to take steps back to go forward. 

**

Now the one thing that I do think is a good idea is the Challenge Weekend concept. Find a weekend where there are two different types of races and do both.

Suz brought up the idea of the Big Shoulders swim (5k maybe) and the Chicago Half marathon the next day. Great idea, except that they are on different weekends. But, that gives you an idea of the Challenge Weekend. I'm sure one of my training partners will come up with some crazy idea that always sounds AWESOME the day you sign up. I know people who do back to back marathons, but that's not really my thing.


Now that I've completely lost my train of thought, I'm probably at a good stopping place.

Ahhhh, the end of the season

In case you are an absolute avid follower of the Tea, you probably weren't aware that I've raced my last triathlon of the season.

And it is a glorious thing INDEED.

As much as I look forward to the start of race season, by the time Sept rolls around, I'm done. Checked out. Stick a fork in me.

It's time to get my run on. It's time for cooler temps (because at some point it will cool down).

No more packing the
bikehelmetcyclingshoestrikitrunningshoesvisorgarminhrmlube
wetsuitswimcapgogglestowelnutritionwaterbottlesdidimentionitsalotofshit

What IS up next?

First and foremost, a month of nothing.

Then, of course the Tour of the Moon the first weekend of October (Saturday). 

If you're familiar with this movie, you already know the course.

Which is immediately followed by  Desert Edge on Sunday

Me and my training buddy are affectionately calling it the Challenge Weekend. I have 5 training partners doing the ride on Saturday. Two of them are also doing Desert's Edge with me on Sunday.

Do I mind carrying two bikes, two sets of gear and making a 4 hour drive through the mountains?

HELL NO. I'll do pretty much anything for good food and good company. 

After that, it's Rock n roll Denver Half Marathon for my birthday.

Then, of course, What happens in vegas.....

And finally, Jordan is back to reclaim his title at the Turkey Trot after I beat his best time last year. That should be very interesting since it's only about a week after Vegas.

From here on out, it's all fun and games.

Bring on the off season!

Triathlon Family

A few months back, I guess it's probably closer to 7 months ago now, I had to break up with a friend.

It was really hard to do. I'd know her for many years. I'd noticed over the past year, we were starting to become toxic to each other. Our lives had gone in different directions, and we had different priorities and....well, just different everything. I was bad for her, and she was bad for me.

The break up hit me really hard. I mean, here was someone that I used to talk to ALL THE TIME. We'd call. We'd text. We'd email. She was one of the last people I talked to before I went to bed at night. All of a sudden that was gone.

For months, I was at a loss. Who do I go to when I'm having a bad day, and I just want to scream irrationally?

Over the past few months, I've gotten to know a few people. People who have very similar interests to me. It's been really great. Especially since given my work situation, I'm not around a lot of people during the week.

I never even really considered how much this was going to affect me. All of a sudden, when I go do some type of training, sure enough, I'll run into someone that I know. This triathlon web of mine has become huge. I love going out on my Saturdays now because I never know who I am going to run into.

I like to train by myself. But there's a lot to be said for being able to swim, bike or run with another person or a group of people. It's the "we're all in this together" mentality.

This coming Saturday, I have a race. This week, I've been talking to people. I've been amazed at the number of people who will be at the races on Saturday. Even though, we tease each other, and give each other a hard time, we are also each others biggest supporters. I don't know if there is anything more fun that cheering on a friend as they run by during a race.

As hard as it was to let go of one relationship, I realized that I had allowed that relationship to take over my entire life. I missed out on meeting all these truly great people before. I really enjoy meeting my new friends on Saturdays for our swim/bike/run sessions or doing insane races with them.

It's like getting a group of crazies together and seeing how far we can push each other. I've gotten to do things that I would never have done before; things that I never would have even considered.

So, I'm racing on Saturday. Although, I won't have my normal group of "crazies" there, I'll get to see some really great people and cheer them on.

I can finally appreciate what it means to have a triathlon family.

Rattlesnake race report

For not really wanting to do this race about a week ago, I'm really glad I did. Besides, if I didn't do it, I knew I'd have hell to pay.

Official results are not yet up, but my times are close enough. Yea. I forgot to hit my transition button here or there, but ultimately the finish time is the same.

Last night, it occurred to me that this was my best chance to FINALLY get my sub 3 in the oly distance. Quite honestly, that was a low ball time. I knew it. It's just that, with the year I've had, nothing is guaranteed.

I thought 2:45 was realistic. 2:50, worst case, but the goal I was shooting for was 3:00.

Back in 2009,  I did this race and came in at 3:30. A 5-10 minute PR was just not going to cut it.

The Swim:

The swim start is a time trial. Swimmers take off every 2-3 seconds. Perfect. I love this type of start.

As soon as it was my turn, I felt great. I felt strong and relaxed. I quickly caught up to the women that started before me and was quickly surrounded by guys doing the double (oly today/sprint tomorrow---they had their own wave start). 

As I made my way through the back strokers and side strokers. I kept thinking, "I feel so good. I really must be going slow."

My personal goal for the swim was 27min. That was conservative but again once bitten twice shy. In my case, I felt like I'd been bitten more than a few times.

This 1500m swim was the kind where you have to get out, run around a little dealie whop and jump back in.

All along, I kept saying that I have a 22-24 minute swim in me. I just hadn't done it. Imagine my surprise when I got out and saw 12:11 on my watch. I run up the beach chasing after other women while thinking "Come on, you've got this, don't fade. There's no reason to fade when that loop felt so easy."

It HAD felt easy. But for once, I didn't think the course was short. I knew that I was just capable of swimming that fast.

On the second loop, I really wanted to try to go faster. I kept focusing on Strength over Speed. Strong Pull, push back, strong pull, push back.

I started picking off swimmers ahead of me. Because of the way the start went, I wasn't quite sure where other women in my AG were. For the first time, I just didn't care. I was there to race my race.

I think that took a lot of pressure off of me and allowed me to get into my own groove.

When I finished the swim, I glanced at my watch: 24:12. I managed to negative split the swim with HUGE PR. Course PR of 13:00, recent 1500m swim PR of 4 minutes.

avg pace per 100m 1:29

I was so excited. I got out of the water, whipped off my wetsuit and started screaming to Mr. Tea "DID YOU SEE THAT? DID YOU SEE HOW FAST I WENT? I KNEW I COULD DO IT! I KNEW IT."

Pretty sure he was laughing at me. I just took off sprinting to T1.

T1 time: :48

The Bike

I threw down my wetsuite and took off on the bike.

Ok. Here we go.

First of all, the road had really big sections of being in really bad shape and being re-paved. I don't think ANYONE had course breaking speeds today.

Again, I had goals. I knew that if I wanted to hit my goal, I had to be halfway by 37:30.

My goal: 1:15.

I ended up doing 1:17 which was about 19.8 or 19.6 mph. The course was harder than I remembered it. Also, on the bike, I first started to notice that I was having problems.  I was SO thirsty. I was hot. I went through 3 bottles (2 of water and 1 of nutrition) just on the bike. That was NOT normal for me.

Maybe had I not had problems, I could have done 1:10-1:15, which I STILL think I can do.

Trust me. I am not sad at all about the 1:17 because I beat Coach Mike's guesstimate of 1:20.

Also, this was another HUGE PR of 17 minutes from the last time I did this course. It wasn't an oly bike PR for the year because I've certainly ridden faster but given the course....I'm pretty damn happy.

I kept waiting for the D3 guys to catch me on the bike. I kept seeing them on the other side of the street. But it never happened. Then with a half a mile left, my friend Jeff caught me and passed me. grrrr.

I pull into T2 ( :28) and take off running.

About a quarter of a mile into the run, and the first D3 guy passes me. We'd been talking before the race, and I told him that I thought for sure he was going to pass me on the bike.

Always the gentleman, he says, "Nope. You're just too fast."

THAT AND I had a 10 minute headstart. Uh huh. YOU do the match. DUDE WAS FLYING.

For the first 3.1 miles, honestly, I felt really good, except for the damn THIRST and the heat. WHAT was going on? At each aid station, I start slamming down water and gatorade. (I'm not a fan of gatorade but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do).

By the time I hit the turnaround, I could feel the break down happening. I was sick, nauseous. I was sweating like crazy. I couldn't maintain my pace.

I decided to take a walking break thinking it would help. I realized very quickly that it was even harder to start running again. That told me something was really wrong. Normally after a walking break (after say.....getting a cup of water), I am refreshed and can keep going. I saw my average pace drop from 9:40 to 10:00 to 10:15 to 10:30.

I looked at my garmin and realized that not only was the 2:45 goal shot but so was the 2:50 and now I was at risk for not even breaking 3 hours.

I kept going, doing what I can. My only thought was "keep going. you've come too far to miss out on your goal."

As I approached the finish line, there was a group of people cheering on the runners. Evidently there was a woman behind me. They started yelling "You can catch her! GO GO GO!"

Let me tell you something....I was about to pass out. I was so sick feeling. I was hot. I just wanted to be done. Those people were yelling for the woman behind me.....and....

I'm not proud of this....

but all I could think was "F*CK YOU AND YOUR F*CKITY F*CK F*CK CHEERING."

And the woman behind me passed me.

Goal time for the run: sub 1 hour.
Actual time: 1:11 with the first half being in 30 minutes.

Finish time: 2:55, just making my sub 3 hour time.

I won't go into what happened next, but it involved throwing a sandwich at Mr. Tea, yelling or maybe it wasn't yelling I don't remember but it was something about getting a PR after he said something about not making my 2:50 goal, almost collapsing at a table and just wanting to lay down. 

Once I got home, I started pumping in salt tablets. Once I started feeling better, I realized that I could eat without tossing my cookies. Over the next couple of hours, I was able to think coherently and figure out what happened.

It wasn't the heat. It was that I miscalculated my electrolytes. I needed more than I brought. once you're in a hole, during a race, it's tough to get out of it.

It's never easy to end a great race on a bad run, but it is what it is. The run was STILL a course PR of 4 minutes. Unfortunately, it was also my second slowest run of the year. 2nd slowest behind the hilliest course that I've ever run as part of an oly tri. So, that's not good.

For now, I'm going to continue eating to get recovered for tomorrow's long workouts. Honestly, I really wish I didn't have to do them. I'll just do my best. The thing that really sucks is having to get up at 3am to make a 2 hour drive. UGH. If Suzanne wasn't counting on me being there, I would totally bag the drive, sleep in, and do the workouts locally.

 I have two more races: a sprint and an oly. Then, I head into half marathon season.

That's all I've got to say about that.

St-St-St-AGES

I've been meaning to write. So many times I've started different entries and stopped.

As you know, I had a rough week made even harder by some other things that were going on.  Life happens, and we do what we can and move on.

This coming year is a new stage for me. Some of you (my friends) have been through this, but it's the first time that I've been through it. My oldest officially moved out of the house. My youngest is in his senior year in high school. This time next year, he'll be gone off to college, military....whatever it is that he decides on. (As of yet, he doesn't even know). He won't be here.

There is a lot to deal with. On one hand, I'm looking forward to having a clean house. Let me tell you, a house gets worked over when you have 4 adults living in it. When Jordan moved out, the reduction of "stuff" felt like a lot more than 25%.

Over the past few years, I've done a 180 on what things I really want to do when the boys move out. the things I *thought* I wanted to do....well, I don't care about anymore.

But, I think these are all normal feelings when people have kids really young. If they aren't normal, f*ck it. They're my feelings, so they're normal for me. For such a long time, I felt really trapped and put every bit of energy I had into raising the kids.

Only to get to a point, where I can do whatever I want to do. From even the simplest things, like eating dinner whenever I want or not checking to see what EVERYONE else wants....or better yet....staying in bed for as long as I want.

For awhile, this sense of freedom was literally overwhelming. I wanted to do everything and go everywhere.

I've settled down now.

Since this blog is *primarily* a training blog, this also positively affects me training in a completely different way than I was expecting.

Of course, I have time to train, more than I ever had. Yes, I have a job. I have one of the most flexible jobs around. I can train whenever I want.

But, I can GO places. I can go to any races. Next weekend, I'm doing a race. The next day, with my crazy swimmer friends, I'm doing a 2.4 mile swim and a 1:30 bike. The swim is a drive that's over 2 hours from me. It doesn't matter though.

I can go spend time with friends. MY friends. Not friends because my kids are on the same little league team.

This weekend was USAT Age Group Nationals. For the first time ever, I knew almost 10 people doing either the olympic (on Saturday) or the sprint (on Sunday).

This would be the perfect set up for me. A weekend with a bunch of like-minded people. I would love to do that.

The problem is that I'm not fast enough to qualify for Nationals.

And it was killing me. I was watching the pictures coming in of everyone celebrating or cheering each other on. I was so genuinely happy for each of them, just for making it to Nationals. To me that's a really big deal. Nationals is one of those things that I always wanted to do but never really thought there was a chance that I could ever make it.

Mike and I are supposed to go over my list of goals at the end of this season. I sent him a rather lengthy list of goals, some short term and some most long term. The goals can seem sort of random. I guess, in a way, they are.

For a long time, I'd see women at races, hitting speeds that I couldn't even dream of hitting. Year after year, I set "reasonable" goals.

This *new* list has some crazy goals. My thinking has changed over the years. If other women can do those speeds....why can't I?

I was looking at the finish times of the women in my AG. NO ONE IS EVER #1 IN ALL 3 SPORTS. That's why I love triathlon.

The women who came in first....she wasn't some sort of crazy athletic woman. She was just a woman who worked really hard to make her weaknesses, less of a weakness, and she knew how to use her strengths to her advantage.

There's no reason that I can't be the same way.

When the goal becomes bigger and more important than the discomfort you have to go to get there, it's time to go for it. 

Although I'm waiting to share the goals, only because I want to make sure that they don't change, I will tell you this. There are two goals that I want really bad.

1.) I want to break 6 hours on the 70.3. It's been a long time since I've done a 70.3. I'm a little nervous about doing one. I've been putting it off because I have been afraid to do one again. I kept saying things like "When I can swim *this* fast" or when I can "run" this fast. Those goals were moving targets. Every time I hit the goal, instead of doing a 70.3, I changed the goal and made it harder. I did it because I was really afraid of doing it. I know that now.

Now, I'm still afraid. At least, I'm ready to take it on. When? I don't really know. Maybe next year?

2.) I really want to get to a 2:45 Oly. This season has been so strange for me, disappointing. It's all my fault too. I picked bad races. Of the races that were supposed to be "A" races, something odd happened. I just want an opportunity to race an oly. I don't think 2:45 is really much of a stretch. I just haven't been able to get there for a variety of reasons/mishaps. (At one race, I go off course. At another, the swim is long. Another is at a higher altitude. Another had last minute, course changes. At another, I was undertrained---because of work issues and not being able to ride. It's been one thing or another).

Although these are two different distances (3 if I throw in more sprints---which I will), I think they can all work together.

In the meantime, I have a race this weekend. This race was the very first Oly distance race that I did. I'm not really sure how I feel about the race.

The race has one leetle issue that I think is going to be really good for me. The race has a time trial start by bib number and NOT by Age Group. What this means is that I have no idea where the other women in my AG.

THIS WILL BE VERY GOOD FOR ME. I need to stop thinking about where the other women are. I can focus on just racing my best race without being concerned about others. Some times I'm better at that than others. :)

This race will force the issue.

Wish me luck!