Monday, September 24, 2012

For every bad day, there's an angry Eminem song

Have you ever noticed that?

No matter how bad your day/week was, there's ALWAYS an Eminem song that makes your upper lip curl up, fist pump at the sky and yell out: F&$% YEA M&$^A F&@$%#!

YEA...THAT's RIGHT EMINEM! I'M NOT AFRAID!

F*CK YEA M@$THA F&@#ER!



sigh.


Normally, I don't write about work. Since it IS what led up to my Eminem explosion during my long run yesterday, I think I should explain.

I had a bad week. A really bad week. It all started a month ago. YEA....let THAT soak in a bit, but it culminated last week.

So much so that at one point, I slammed down my NOTEBOOK. YEA, MY NOTEBOOK! (Take THAT desk), and I walked out. 

Long hours, frustration, being pissed off, not getting much sleep resulted in a less than happy Tea over the weekend. 

I don't get mad very easily, so trust me. It was a DOOSIE.

Sunday rolls around, and I'm pretty mad at life. I'm mad at coach for the STUPID workouts....for no other reason (at this point) than I'm still just plain tired. I'm mad because I can't stop eating. (Although, I've never really gotten mad at eating before). I'm mad because I have to go do something stupid. I don't know what. I just know that I'll have to do something stupid at some stupid point during the stupid day, but first I have to do this stupid long run in the middle of the stupid day when it's stupid hot because I didn't get up in the stupid morning because I'm so stupid tired because of this stupid shipping problem!


I never said my anger made sense.


My long run was supposed to be 9ish miles, but I made it about 6.75 before I placed a rescue call.

I chose to run the hilly route.

My legs were tired. (Not as tired as the previous week but tired).

I didn't want to run.

I'm only running because of that stupid half marathon.

I'll never get fast.

I hate running.

I'll always be stupid slow.

This is stupid. 

I hate running.

It's hot out here.

I hate this.

I hate running.

I hate hills.

I hate heat.

I hate running.



THEN

EMINEM came on.

Yea buddy.

EM.IN.EM.

And all of a sudden, I had a friend who was suffering with me.

My lip curled up.

I started head bobbing.

fist pumping. 

I had to go to that place to get to this place.

We'll walk this road together.




That right Em. You sing the TRUTH.

And everything became right in the world.


I'd exhausted myself.

I couldn't be angry anymore.

I was disappointed that I just couldn't go on anymore, but I'll live to run another day.










Saturday, September 22, 2012

Know your why


For the past few years, I've talked to people who were new to triathlon. Immediately, (many....most) of them say that they want to do Ironman.

I would always say to them, "Before taking on that distance, make sure you know why you are doing it. Because it will be called into question during your training."

The most amazing thing happened today.

I figured out my "why". 

It happened in the most unusual way. 

Someone that I look up to, sent me an email asking me several seemingly harmless questions.

In answering her questions, I recognized something in myself. 

I have wanted do Ironman. I've written about it. I've also listed fears that I've had. Deep down inside, I knew everything that I said was a cover for something else.

I never knew "why" I wanted to go back. I just had this feeling that I needed/wanted to go back and do it again.

I don't have any need to prove anything. I don't have any need to hit a certain time. 

Because I didn't really know why the desire was there, I kept putting it off. 

Every time I think I get closer to my "goal", I change it, so I can put it off longer.

"When I hit 6 hours, I'll do ironman"

then there was

"When I hit 5:45, I'll do Ironman."

then finally,

"When I hit 5:30, I'll do Ironman."

All I kept doing was delaying my decision to register. 

So, I'm going through and answering these questions that she laid out, and I realized that the reason I want to do Ironman again is to close the circle.

THE CIRCLE. 

It just so happens that when I was going through my IM training last time, there was also some really bad stuff that was going on. I realized today that all of that stuff is behind me.  I've "known" it was behind me, but sometimes it takes a long time to recover emotionally from a series of downward spirals. 

Here's the irony. It all started at right around the time of Ironman, but Ironman didn't cause everything to happen. They weren't even related. 

In my mind, it all started with Ironman, so now it can end with Ironman. 

Up until today, all my excuses up until now were just that EXCUSES, like placeholders until I figured it out. Little did I know, all it took was for a friend to ask the right question at the right time. 

I'm not afraid now. I'm ready to do it. I know my why. I won't change my goals anymore. No, I'm not ready right this minute, but I can realistically set goals.....and maybe not drive coach crazy anymore.

When I say I want to have a positive experience, you'll have to trust me that it has nothing to do with the training or the race itself. It has nothing to do with finishing or going sub 15 or 14 or 13. 

It has everything to do with closing the circle.


Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Swim MOJO

A RIDICULOUS thing happened. 

At Master's a few weeks ago, we did pacing workouts to get ready for off-season training. 

I had my fastest swims to date, coming in at a 1:20 per 100m. 

I mentioned this to COACH, and of course he says: Your goal for the winter is 1:10.

Yea.

Ok.

Let that sink in for a minute.

It's not EXACTLY EASY to go from 1:20 to 1:10 in an off season.

Of course, I'm NOT going to say anything because the last thing I want to do is end up holding plank for 5 minutes.

Smart a$$, YES.

Stupid, NO.

Fast forward to Master's today. 

IT'S MAKING ME CRAZY. Since the season has ended, my form is all jacked up. I feel like a beginner all over again.

Master's Coach decided that since only a few of us showed up, she'd treat us to a SPECIAL kind of punishment

4 x 50's: fast. take the average speed.

THEN

4 x 100's AT THE CRIMINALLY INSANE 50M PACE. If you swam a 1:00 50, you'd had to swim a 2:00 100. Got it?

THEN

4 X 200 AGAIN AT THE CRIMINALLY INSANE 50M PACE.

whimper



Can I say something?

THIS IS NOT HOW I ENVISIONED MY OFF SEASON!

Whatever happened to the good ole days of stuffing my face with pumpkin chocolate chip muffins and sitting back to watch Netflix movies?

This is SO NOT GOOD.

Back to my MAIN point.....this swimming thing is starting to get hard. Really hard. It's been pretty easy for me up to this point. I worked on form. Pushed the pace here and there, but that was it.

That thought. That little thought RIGHT THERE....made me tumble down into thought oblivion.

Running is always a struggle. Not in a bad way, but of the 3....I know when I'm working hard on the run. It's hard for me. When I finally hit my running goals, no one will be able to say that I didn't work for it. 

I've never experienced that on the swim (until now) or ever on the bike.  

WHAT IF, I put the energy that I put into my running into my swim and bike?

Hard work beats talent when talent doesn't work hard. (The best quote, and I wish I knew who said it).

I'm not gonna lie. I have some talent on the bike, but shouldn't that alone drive me to be the BEST that I can possibly be on the bike? Not just trying to be #1? Shouldn't I strive for more than that? AND the swim? Come on, not everyone can jump in the pool and just knock out a 1:20. I know that. 

This was my point when I posted on Twitter about dreaming big and not allowing anyone to tell you that you can't accomplish something.

SOMEONE did....sort of....snicker....when I told them about my 5:30 half iron goal. 

As if.

AS IF.

AS IF I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT TAKES TO GET THERE.

ME. The person that (for years) wasn't just last in my AG, but often times one of the last to finish.

I am not particularly interested in what most people think about my goals. 

But let me break it down for you.

35 minute swim (mission accomplished)

2:40 bike (mission accomplished)

2:10 run.

throw in transitions

BOOM B!TCHES

Or as Coach says: When you're fast on the bike, you can go slower on the run.

And just fyi: I'm not far off from that 2:10 run. 

And I'm still 2 years off from the next 70.3.

And you can bet, whether or not I hit 5:30, I'm going to be damn happy with my finish, because it's going to be the biggest PR this side of the Mississippi.

In other words: When you come in bottom 10% for so long, YOU CAN'T BE DISAPPOINTED. You just can't.

So when asked "What will happen if you don't hit 5:30? Are you still signing up for Ironman?"

Me: Hell yea. I'll just work a little harder, better, smarter.

I'm certainly not going to lock myself in a closet and cry about hitting 5:52 (remember? That was my FIRST GOAL)

People are strange.

Fortunately, their fears don't stop me from reaching my goals. 




Regarding my Long Run



Sunday's Post


Today was my first *real* long run of my half marathon training. I really enjoyed it. I did another 8 mile run a couple of weeks back, but I was still in tri-mode. 

I had a few thoughts:

1.) I might need to work on my nutrition. I did 1 GU at the start, and 1 each 30 minutes. I didn't run out of energy as much as I was starting to feel it in my legs. However, it might not have been a nutrition issue (see #2). I have to learn this all over again. I used to take in too many calories, but I did it because I had severe anemia and didn't know. I'd run out of energy and think "I need to fuel more". Now, I have that problem fixed, but I don't know what I'm supposed to take in. Again, see #2 because this might not have been a nutrition issue. 

2.) Prior to my long run, my Saturday workout included a 1 hour LT bike workout + a 2.5 mile run. I had a great bike and run on Saturday. I noticed on Sunday, right from the start, my legs were a little heavier than normal. At first, I thought it was because I was carrying the extra weight of the water. Then, I started thinking that this is the first time in over a year that I've done a hard Saturday (bike/run) and then a longer run. I probably need to get used to it.
3.) I missed my pace (that was in my training log), but again I think this had to do with several things. 1.) I ran when it was hotter outside because the race is in Florida. My heart rate monitor kept beeping at me to slow down, but I felt fine. So, at mile 3, I decided to turn it off and just run as I felt. The result was that the first three miles ended up being quite a bit slower than I think I could have run. 2.) My house is at the top of a 2 mile long hill. My pace always drops off for the last 2 miles. The GOOD NEWS is that it's not dropping off as much as it used to. I was VERY HAPPY!

4.) I am enjoying running longer again. That's a really good thing. I had started to hate it. Now, I look forward to it. I'm really going to have to work on not going too slow because that's how I have always run. It will take me a little while to get out of the "plugger" mentality and to overcome the desire to just stop and walk for awhile. (I do stop when I take Gels or when I take water, but it's only for a few seconds.) In the past, I would just stop running and walk for a long time. Baby steps.

I'm going to call today's run a success. I felt really good about it. I know I have a lot of work to do, but I can see where I struggle. I think doing the short races with a few longer races mixed in is a really good idea for me. I'm not quite ready to jump into doing half marathons, but a 5k feels super short after running +8 miles.

7.7 miles in 1:30 = 11:40(?) pace. Goal pace was 11:15.

Tuesday, September 11, 2012


After my last two posts, I got a rather interesting email from someone we shall call Anonymous.

Because that's how the email came through.

Apparently, my comments were rude, insensitive, and I *have* no clue.

Which of course made me go all.....

sad face



NOT



Most of my friends...because really only my friends even read this blog....know me well enough and have enough history to understand where my comments came from.

STILL, I figured that I would entertain an explanation.

and NOT an apology.

The primary concern of ANONYMOUS was that I really incredibly rude to woman at the gym.

SIGH

I AM REALLY NOT FOUND OF OVERLY SENSITIVE PEOPLE.

1.) This woman who plans on doing her first triathlon is a PITA. She is a snob and will say whatever she can to tear other people down.

As far as I'm concerned, if she doesn't like me because of my response. I have no problem with that.

regardless of what type of person she is.....



THAT WASN'T THE POINT OF MY POST.

The point of my post was that EVERYONE refers to themselves as being SLOW.  PEOPLE WHO RUN WAY FASTER THAN me.

I'm tired of it. 

You know what. I'm fast on the bike. You know what else? It has taken me a long time to get here.

So for me to say.....no....to LIE and say "oh I'm so SLOW"....I'm not going to do it.

When did it become a crime or when did it become RUDE TO SAY YOU ARE GOOD AT SOMETHING.

If you are reading this, and you ARE faster than me. THEN GOOD FOR YOU, BUT IT DOESN'T MAKE ME SLOW.  IT JUST MAKES YOU FASTER.


For goodness sakes Anonymous, LIGHTEN UP.



Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Attitude Adjustment

I got to go to the gym today, which was GLORIOUS. I love love off season strength training.

While I was there, I was talking to a woman who is a runner, thinking about doing her first triathlon.

She asks me, "Are you fast? How fast do you go?"  

"Are you fast?" I think to myself, "Fast? Compared to who? Compared to the pro's? Fast compared to the coach potato streaming season 3 of Mad Men from netflix?"

I chewed on this question a moment, wondering how do I respond? 

%&*# this! I'm not playing this *slow* game anymore. Any and every triathlete will answer that question with...."I'm a slow runner or I'm a slow cyclist".

I'm putting a stop to it.

"Yea. I'm fast." I said, "I go really fast."


Sunday, September 2, 2012

Race Lessons

I had a race yesterday.I've been trying to figure out the best way to write my race report.

I struggled with different ideas because I had some weird things happen. I didn't want to write a report that led people to say "Wow, you really *toughed* it out". 

Because I didn't see it as *toughing* it out. I was prepared. Whatever happened on race day, I was prepared to handle it. I felt like the race was a huge success, regardless of the outcome.

I started thinking about what lead to this success. I can tell you that if this race happened 2 years ago, I would have been crying on the bike. I might not have quit physically, but I would have quite mentally. 

How did I get here?

I *know* a lot about triathlon. My first race was in 2005. I KNOW everything. 

But I didn't learn anything until I signed up with Coach.Everything I am about to say, I knew it all. It just took me awhile to learn it.


  1. You need a coach. Trust me on this. When I started doing tri's, I really didn't have the money to hire a coach. I was starting my company. Every bit of cash went into that. I KNOW, money can be a deterrent. Once you sign up, there are a few things you should know.
    • Most coaches offer many different types of training plans for all different budgets. You *can* afford it.  Shop around, talk to other athletes. Find out what they are doing.

    • Don't lie to your coach. Coach is there to help you. If you *complete* workouts that you didn't actually do. That doesn't help you. I admit. There have been weeks that were personally challenging. I looked at my plan, and I just wanted to pretend I got it all done. Instead, I wrote an email to my coach explaining what was going on. I don't miss many workouts. He knows that and understood what I was going through.

    • Don't be embarrassed about your abilities. We all have our strengths and weaknesses. Your coach has seen it all and has a recipe for success. When I signed up with my coach, I was running 5ks at around a 12:00 pace. Set your ego aside. You're a team, not competitors. 

    • MOST IMPORTANT: DON'T DOUBT YOUR COACH. Don't add in a workout. Don't skip a workout (because you don't like it). Coach put the workout together based on your abilities. As you improve, your workouts will change too. The first time, he put mile repeats on my plan, I thought "No way. I can't hit that speed." The day came, and I just did the workout. It was THAT day that I realized that he knows me better than I know myself.

    • CUSS, yell out, let it out. This isn't supposed to be easy. Research has shown that people who curse while experiencing pain, can handle MORE pain than someone who doesn't curse. Let your freak flag fly. (Just make sure your coach knows it not directed at him/her. It's a COPING mechanism).
That's the warm fuzzy stuff.

If you found a good coach, you're also going to get a reality check. You're going to find out that you're not unique. You're going to find out that you're not ready for a certain distance.

THAT'S WHY YOU HIRED HIM/HER. 

Yes, you should get along. No, you don't have to be friends. 

You have to respect Coach's knowledge. It goes WAY beyond what you read in Triathlete mag and Lava.

Here's what I learned over the past 9 months.
Coach rule #1: Race often. Race as much as you can. So, I did. The pay-off was yesterday.  

I can't overstate the importance of racing often. At every race, SOMETHING is going to happen. Every race. Racing regularly prepares you for anything. It forces you to become creative. You WILL forget something. How will you handle it? I think this is even more important than learning how to pace because the mental battles are the hardest ones to overcome.

Yesterday's race:

I was late getting to transition because there was some traffic issue. A drive that should have taken me an hour, took me 1:20. When I got to transition, I needed to get set up as quickly as possible, so I would have time to get my warm ups done. 

Coach Rule #2: DO YOUR WARM UPS.

Over the months of practicing different lengths of warm ups, I've learned that I need really long warm up times. Run for almost 30 minutes, swim for that long, the bike, I'm usually go to go around 20 minutes. 

As I was setting up transition, I noticed 2 things very quickly:
1.) I forgot my aero bottle cap.
2.) I forgot my towel.

Well, the towel, no big deal. I've forgotten that many times this year. (Race often).

The aero bottle cap. That's a little bigger issue. It's going to be HOT. I have to have 2 bottles on the bike. Think think think. I could put a bottle in the behind the seat in the bottle cage. It'll work, but it's not ideal for me for a sprint. I want to go fast, and I'm not completely adept at grabbing a bottle from behind me. 

Would a water bottle cap work? No. It's too big.

I look in my bag. There's a swim cap. I bet I can stretch the swim cap over the top of the water bottle. Perfect fit. 

Coach Rule #3: Race Often

Yes, I know. It's rule #1 again. As I mentioned, something will happen at every race. The more you race, the better prepared you will be to handle something. I've dealt with cramping, losing nutrition, poor pacing, forgetting equipment, extreme heat, etc. etc. etc.

Prior to the race starting, I realized that I was getting stomach cramps. They were only mild during swim warm up, and they came out of no where. I've cramped during the run. But at the start of a race? This was new. I otherwise felt fine. I grabbed a gu and a bottle of water and chugged it down. 

It didn't help. I needed more, but my wave was getting ready to start.

The swim was uneventful. Courtney and I swam side by side the whole time. (Uh, sorry if I groped you, but that dude from the previous wave...doing the back float....I couldn't get away from him!)

The cramping was gone during the swim. As soon as I stood to get out of the water, it hit me full force. Really glad, I got the aero bottle thing figured out. I could drink and drink and drink.

As we exited T1, clouds really moved in.

It was no surprise when our 95 degree race start turned into a downpour with really terrible wind. I've done a lot of runs in storms. This was the first time I've ever raced on the bike in such bad conditions.

And I was scared.

And the bike course had been changed, just this week, from 17 miles to 23.6 miles.

I'm leaving the res, make the turn on to the main road, and the rain hits. It's really coming down. For the most part, the first few miles are uphill. 

Coach Rule #4: Take the first 1-4 miles easy on the bike.

Under normal circumstances, I would go hard from the start of the bike. I thought back a few months ago. I remembered what I had learned from Coach....PACING....how to pace. It's raining. I've never raced in the rain. Take it slow. Learn how to handle your bike in the rain. 

Today will not be a PR. Safety first. But, it will be the best that I can give today.

Coach Rule #5: Adapt to the environment.

After about 4 miles, I started feeling pretty good riding in the rain. I thought I could pick up the speed. 

So, I did.

We turned on to Nevada. The rain was down to a drizzle. The road seemed mostly dry here. THANK GOODNESS.

Then, the wind hit. I have NEVER ridden in a crosswind like that. 

I read once that in a drunk driving accident, the reason the drunk driver usually has fewer injuries is because they are unaware of what is happening and therefore, they don't tense up.  On the other hand, the victims see the accident and tense up.

I could no longer be aero. I couldn't control my bike. I could barely control my bike upright. But I was tense. I knew that I wouldn't be able to react quickly if I was tight. I focused on loosening up my shoulders and arms.

Coach Rule #6: Focus

I stared straight ahead. Normally in a race, I like to choose a rider ahead of me and calculate how long it will take for me to pass them. 

Today, it was all about safety. I see the riders ahead of me getting pushed around by the wind. All I could think about was that we were all in this together.  We all need to get through this, safely.

(You might want to skip this next section because it contains TMI).

I'd been on my bike for about 20 minutes. I needed to take in my nutrition.

As soon as I took a drink, it came right back up.

On the other hand, with the wind, I'm REALLY glad I came up with an aero bottle lid. There was NO WAY, I could take one hand off my bars and reach backward. (RACE OFTEN)

But throwing up, that's not good. Over the course of the bike. I tried 4 or 5 times to get my fuel in. Water was fine, but that was it. 

Water it is. I will deal with the run when I get there. I can ride with the cramps.

Coach Rule #7: One event at a time.

We finally get to turn.

I tell you, I was NEVER so happy to ride into a headwind, even a headwind that has you riding uphill.

Coach Rule #8: DO your drill work.

I've done drill work in the past, but I always did it half-ass. I never committed to it until this year. 

High cadence work. One Legged drills. DO THEM. 

Basic cycling info: cycling is about the legs, not the feet. It's about going in a circle, not top and bottom of a pedal stroke. If you know what I'm talking about, that sentence will make perfect sense. If you haven't gotten there yet, it won't. I know because it didn't make sense to me until this year.

Like I said, I know everything about triathlon, but I didn't learn anything until this year.

Headwind. Uphill. The best strategy that I could employ: drop the gear and spin fast. If I mash, I won't be able to run.

The last, maybe 4 miles were pretty uneventful. The wind wasn't as bad. I wasn't sure if I was on a flat or a slight incline. I looked at my garmin, I realized that I had averaged 20mph. With 4ish miles left, I set a goal to do whatever I had to, in order to maintain that 20mph. I hadn't seen another woman in my AG. I had no idea where they were. But I had a feeling that if I could maintain 20, I might be able to be first.

I pulled into T2. That's when I noticed, there were no other bikes on my rack. I might have just gotten my first, FIRST on the bike. 

"If you're not first, you're last"--Talledega Nights

I hopped off the bike. My right leg seized up. #&$(@(*&%$&#*! It hurt. I didn't have any luck keeping nutrition down on the bike, but I was going to force it down now. I grabbed a bottle of water and GU. I chugged both down and started running.

On the run, the cramps were by far the worst. As soon as I started running, I knew that it would not be a PR, but it didn't matter. I was going to keep running. I wasn't going to walk. I knew cramps can hurt. I know they can be debilitating, but I wasn't there yet. (RACE OFTEN). I had really bad cramps during a super hot race early in the season. Fortunately, yesterday's race had aid stations all over the place. At every station, I grabbed two cups of water and walked.

I saw Courtney hit the turnaround. She smiled and said something. I think I grunted and grimaced back. And that's how friendships are born...a few grunts and grimaces. 

By the time I got to the 2nd mile, I was running like Forrest Gump when he had the braces on his legs, but I was so focused on running that I didn't feel it so much. I didn't notice other runners. I didn't see the finish line coming up.

I kept thinking "This is it. Your last tri of the season." I don't know why it felt so epic this year. Maybe it's because in the past, my *last tri* was also my 2nd tri of the season. 

I've had PR's at every single race this year. That's unbelievable to me. 
On a day that, in the past, would have caused me so much stress, I was calm and focused.

It's not that I OVERCAME or CONQUERED or anything like that. I was just prepared. Whatever the day handed me, I was ready for it. It's going to rain? Fine. I'll slow down. Wind? Ok. I can relax and spin. Cramps. No big deal. Just keep moving forward.

You might think I'm crazy. This might have been my most successful race of the year. 

What's next?

I head into my off season now. I have two goals that I know I will hit next year. I want to go sub :30 in the 5k (of a tri), and I want to hit an avg speed of 23mph on the bike during either a sprint or an olympic race. I'm very close to both of those.

I think it was a good thing for me to end the year with a race that was not a PR. 

WHY?

Because now I'm biting at the bit to hit those goals, and I have all off season to get there. 

As my Mike says, "Next year, you're going to be a handful."